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Forgive
I’ve thought a lot about forgiveness over this past year and a half. I am not there yet for more than a few people in my life. And I don’t think I will ever be there for my brother. What he has done is not forgivable. As I work through my shit, I realize more and more the connections from my childhood to me as an adult. My brother was a shit brother and he is a shit human being.…
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She/Her
She is soft-edges Scars criss-crossed on her heart Her eyes smile Betraying the depth of Pain inflicted on her soul She is strength Hardened by words spoken to break her Her smile is warmth Sadness supressed Uncorked, bubbling beneath the surface She is love Hear heart beating her power into existence © by Christal February 2019
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I’ve done a thing
Something that I have done a lot of over the year and half since the ex dropped the bomb is listen to podcasts. There are a lot available out there to listen to and cover everything from politics, true crime to self help. Prior to the bomb drop, I was partial to true crime podcasts, like Serial and Undisclosed. Then during the tumultuous months of trying to work things out with the ex, I found myself listening to Rabbit, which…
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Nothing Justifies Bad Behavior
I belong to a few divorce groups, some are women only and others are a combination of men and women. When I first started on this divorce journey, I mostly sought out groups that were about healing and recovery. There are some groups that are great at this, while others are nothing but bitch/slam fests when it comes to the exes. I think all of this is good in the recovery process as long as it moves you forward. There…
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Darkness and Light
The last few weeks have been really tough for me for some reason. I was in a dark place. I don’t know if it’s the because of the weather which has been really wet, a few weeks of insomnia, or if it’s the fact that the ex called me during the holidays or everything combined. Actually, it is probably due to all of the above that set me back to a really dark place. All I know is that each…
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Flower
Turning inward, shriveled petals Seeking the nurturing power of loving Words never spoken You are beautiful and you are loved. Small, powerless, wilted and bent Deprived of sustenance needed to grow Into magnificence You are beautiful and you are loved. Feeling the sun, receiving its grace The wind whispers the secret through time and space You are beautiful and you are loved. Buds unfurling to face the day Stem stands tall, confidence blooms She rises up and she knows She…
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Suck it up Buttercup!
When you start missing him, you need to remind yourself of the torture he inflicted upon you. Someone who claims to love and care about another would not have done what he did. You need to remind yourself that you are worth so much more than the love he chose to give when he felt like giving it as if you earned it for being good, dutiful, obedient. Suck it the fuck up. Stop giving away your power. Your tears…
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Dating and Loving Yourself
While dating, I am also working on myself. The damage done during the end of my marriage brought up a lot of trauma that I had managed to bury for many years.
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Choices
We all have choices. I have chosen to fight for myself. I am worthy of that. If you cannot be a warrior by my side. And let the enemy enter the gate, You have chosen to fight against me. And I choose to let you go.
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Amputation
A part of my heart has been amputated,removed by the scalpel of his words,leaving me wanting for the phantom of our future that is no longer and never will be. A part of my heart has been amputated,it beats differently now, hurt, aching, betrayed,a desperate want to feel the familiar,yet knowing the past is no longer and never was. A part of my heart has been amputated, beating for what is, resilient, strong embracing the beauty of my being, living…
