trees and grass
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Nature is a curative

Some days this pandemic makes me cranky. I’m in a new marriage. I moved in with my new husband in November 2019. The pandemic hit in the early part of 2020 and we were in lockdown by March 2020. So we have been with each other 24/7 pretty much since then. It’s a test to many relationships, but I think with a new relationship it is the ultimate test. We liked each other enough to get married in October, but that doesn’t mean I necessarily like him all the time.

Friday and Saturday he was severely trying my patience – not intentionally. I’m a person who sometimes has a hard time with my own boundaries. He is a person who likes to be in my space. He is also a person who when he wants to get something done, he wants it done at that moment. When I’m working on my art or even working at my real job (since I’m doing all my work virtually), he forgets that I may actually be busy working and not just playing around online.

Needless to say, there were a couple of interruptions and I was peeved.

Yesterday, he suggested a hike. We got into the car and I sat in silence. The last couple of days of irritation had built up and I needed space. Lots of it. We got out of the car and I walked ahead. Space is what I needed and I was determined to have it.

Then we saw two cowboys (like real ones) on horses. They asked us to wait as they opened two gates. We waited and then we saw the cows being shepherded down the path way. Momma and baby cows, clomping along, with their gentle moos, rounded up by a couple more cowboys with their herding dog.

I was in the moment, present and just enjoying this unexpected gift to see something so close to suburbia, yet so far from our day to day reality.

After the cows crossed, we went up the trail. As I looked at all the beautiful wild flowers, heard the birds chirping, I could literally feel the irritations slip away.

I think my husband knew I needed space. He gave it to me yesterday by not pressing me and providing me physical space as well as just getting me out of house and the space of nature.

18 Comments

  • nkwolf

    So happy you have found someone to cohabitate with that you (usually) enjoy being around. I totally understand about needing space and about having something out of the ordinary snap you out of a funk. Thanks for sharing.

    • Christal Kelly

      yes, most days I’m entirely happy to be with this man. Only a few days where I think , “wtf were you thinking getting remarried?” LOL. I’ve learned that ultraindependence is a trauma response, which makes sense in my case. I’m lucky to be with someone who doesn’t make me feel guilty about it.

  • Carmelita

    It is hard to adjust to living with someone. And it is hard asking for what we need. I have to tell my partner all the time that I am in a class, or I am busy working on something, because he loves to be around me. And after all the disappointing relationships I have had, I am grateful he does want to be around me. It is sure a balance.

    • Christal Kelly

      Mine loves being around me too. And I agree about the balance. The ex and I had very different interests, so I’m used to being around someone who does his own thing, while I do mine. finding that balance is very hard.

  • Sue Blott

    This sounds so lovely–that restoration of Balance. (oh balance came up as Balance with an upper case B. Lol. Will leave it there as being significant!) I’m glad your hubby understood on some level and gave you your much needed space so that you could both come to a common point of sharing a moment together. This makes the experience so much more meaningful. What a beautiful photo, too. I need tons of space too and completely understand that need.

    • Christal Kelly

      He is recently retired and a widower who was married for 48 years. I think he has missed having someone here and so the pandemic created the perfect scenario for him. I won’t be retired for some time (he’s 15 years my senior) and enjoy my work for the most part. The photo was from a previous hike in the same location. I loved the symmetry of it.

  • Cheryl Turtlemoon

    I have a similar thing (not a problem but it’s a bit irritating). I work from home, my husband is retired, and doesn’t quite grasp that walking in and putting the tv on when I’m working is a bit difficult for me. Space is good, and like you, there’s been precious little of it since last October, but if a marriage can survive this, you can survive anything:) the cow encounter sounds really lovely!

    • Christal Kelly

      I don’t think men realize that they are intruding and they aren’t trying to be disruptive. I’ve had to shut my door as a not so subtle way to say “do not disturb.” I don’t know what would work in your situation though. The cow experience was amazing.

  • amylso

    A couple of years ago my husband and I started trying to fulfill a goal of 50 hikes per year. I think it has been SOOOO good for our marriage! Introvert (me) + extrovert (him) is manageable during normal times, but with everyone at home all. the. time…it’s been hard on me. I miss solitude. And it’s when we’re out hiking “together” (I’m fast uphill, he’s fast downhill) that I remember I love him. 🙂

    • Christal Kelly

      What a great goal! I’ll have to mention it to my husband. I think we have done about a half dozen so far this year. Hiking is one of those things that definitely works for me to get “out of my head.”

  • effywild713

    What a lovely experience. I sighed happily just reading it.

    And I appreciate the perspective of being cooped up with someone all this time. I’ve been on my own, and I’ve found that hard, but I bet being with someone 24/7 would also be hard!

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