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this dating thing can suck
I got married young. I met the ex at the age of 19 and married him at the age of 20. I can count on one hand the number of guys I dated prior to meeting the ex and I would have a couple of fingers left. That’s how inexperienced I am with this whole dating thing. I guess what I would like is honesty and being realistic with each other. I’ve yet to meet a man who has been…
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Mosaic
(Note: this is a piece I wrote for a course I’m doing by Martha Beck called “Write Into Light”.) Dear Broken One, I can see that you have loved a man for many years. Even though throughout the years, there have been many happy times, both have you have also seen many struggles that might have driven other people apart. Each time you both made it through, you would look at each other and think how lucky you were to…
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You could never forgive me
That is the last e-mail you sent to me and it has made me angry. My therapist has asked me when I’m going to be angry with you and I think I’m getting there. I am angry because while you seek my forgiveness, you have never forgiven me for my one transgression against you. Your actions for 7 months spoke volumes as to how to really felt about me. You did your level best to destroy me. Your destruction of…
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Let’s be exclusive!
A couple of men I have dated and who I felt there was a connection to seemed to want to be “exclusive” right away. According to Urban Dictionary, the definition for exclusiveness in a dating relationship means the following: The state of being with one person, and only one person, without labeling yourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend. I will admit at the age of 52, I’m not fond of the terms boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m also not fond of dating a whole lot people at once because…
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adventures in dating
Back in February of this year, I decided to take the plunge and explore the world of online dating. Truthfully, I never thought that this would be a world that I would be a part of because I never imagined that the ex would cheat on me with a co-worker, move in with her and proclaim his need for freedom and no responsibilities. (I guess that’s easy when you go from one woman taking care of you to another woman…
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The Maze
There are times when I feel like I’m not making any progress as I work through this grief. I worry that some people think I should give over it already (including the stbx) and are just tired of me talking about it. There are many times when I feel like I’m doing well and ready to move forward, then I feel like I’m right back at square one, facing the intense pain that I felt when he first said “we”…
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Death by a Thousand Cuts
When my soon to be ex (stbx) informed me on July 2nd, 2017, that we (meaning he) was done, I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe. If he had stood in front of me and punched me in the stomach, I think I would have preferred that momentary pain than the pain he inflicted for seven long arduous months. He used to care about me and my feelings, so I thought that if I appealed to him from a rational…
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An open letter
Dear M, I’ve thought a lot about writing this letter to you. I’m conflicted because I don’t want to pay attention to you and have you think that you are a constant presence in my life. Trust me when I say that I no longer think about having revenge on you or that I think that I lost this battle over the soon to be ex (stbx). In a sense, I guess you did win and you can now sit…
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Update on my life
There has been a lot going on with me since my last update. I have more good days than bad days, but I’ve been able to power through on the bad days and make it to the next, embracing it for the gift that it is. I have to keep reminding myself that my Betty Ma (my maternal grandma) was only given 45 years on this planet. I’ve been given the gift to live years beyond what she was given.…
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Living my Best Life
If someone had told me a year ago that I would buy a house that I love then have to sell it less than a year later, I would not have believed them. If someone had told me a year ago that my husband would involve himself with another woman, I would have laughed at them. If someone would have told me a year ago that I would reach devastatingly low points because of my husband’s betrayal, I would have…
