April Year of Mary
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Give in to Joy

I finally finished the painting I started the other day. It is from Effy Wild’s “Year of Mary. There were a number of times where I was feeling frustrated with this girl and wanted to throw it in the bin. I decided to start talking to her lovingly and thinking nice, lovely thoughts towards the painting and this girl. She finally started to emerge in the way that was pleasing to me. There’s a lesson, here, right? Most of us engage in negative talk, which doesn’t do any lick of good, other than to bring more negativity into ourselves and into the greater world. How much better we all could be if we started talking more positively towards ourselves and others.

My son and his wife received truly wonderful news today. My son has been approved to adopt my granddaughter. This has been a four year struggle with lots of uncertainty along the way. The sperm donor is a real piece of work. He did some truly awful things and frankly, should have been stripped of his parental rights way sooner. Unfortunately, the original judge involved is one of these extreme “dad rights” judicial activists. Even though my son and daughter-in-law have been the primary caregivers and the sperm donor never paid any type of support for the seven and half years my granddaughter has been alive, this judge was horrendous towards my son and daughter-in-law. Things only started to change once the sperm donor’s dad finally was willing to acknowledge that his son has serious issues and was willing to testify to that fact.

She’s always been my granddaughter and my son’s daughter – it’s just legal now.

My new husband hurt my feelings today and I was triggered by something that happened at the end of my first marriage. I’m going to have to talk to him about it after I sit on it for a couple of days. Again, talking about my feelings is very difficult for me. Rejection for what I’m feeling is always at the back of my mind. That is, am I still lovable if speak about what I’m feeling? It’s a silly notion, but there it is.

We are off for another week-end adventure tomorrow. We are meeting up with a couple to camp out at a wildlife safari. It’s really glamping according to them. They’ve been there before. Lots of birds and other wildlife from parts of Africa and I was told that the birds and lemurs can be quite vocal. We will eat picnic type food, enjoy margaritas, wine, and games as we listen to the sounds of the park. Plans for Saturday are still up in the air, but we have plans to go out to dinner and then stay the night at this couple’s house. Somewhere, the new husband will get in some golf.

I’m going to do as Mary Oliver says and give into joy this week-end. How about you?

16 Comments

  • Donna

    Your art is so lovely, it feels full of joy.
    Yay congratulations to you son and family as a whole. That’s great news.
    Ah talking about feelings is the hardest thing. I totally get where you are coming from. It’s not easy for me and my hubby forces me to talk when I’m not ready to. But I am learning that actually it’s better to talk about a problem before it becomes a major thing. Something happened the other day, I was properly peeved about it, it was affecting moods, he asked me what was wrong and in trying to formulate the words I realised how silly it would sound and I laughed as i was telling him what he had done to annoy me. That’s a rarity but at least it got the problem on the table. I wish you well in resolving your issue. X

    • Christal Kelly

      My guy is very good about listening to my feelings and no minimizing them. Yes, sometimes reflecting on what the issue is makes us realize it’s not as big as what we think it is. I need space to think things through and I’ve made that very clear to my husband that forcing me to talk is not good for him or me.

  • Cheryl Turtlemoon

    Yes you’re still lovable even if you have a problem. The best thing is not to sit on it because then it grows into a bigger issue. Congratulations on the good news Regarding your granddaughter!

  • lassfromyorks2001@yahoo.com

    So happy to hear your son’s adoption news. Yes, she has always been your grandaughter and his daughter but it is nice to have that official documentation too so it can no longer be disputed. A huge relief to you all, I’m sure. I hear you re talking to your new hubby about hurt feelings. For me, to open up like that makes me feel doubly vulnerable but I know i get super resentful if I don’t. I’m sure you’ll get it sorted in the way that’s best for you. Enjoy your weekend. Grab all the joy you can! <3

  • Margaret

    That’s terrific news! I have found that I need time to process the feelings and analyze the situation more objectively; it always helps me to rehearse what I want to say to better express my emotions and impressions. That way, I can be clear and logical instead of weepy.

  • lunhatikk

    I like to catch myself in a negative thinking cycle so I can add positivity to it. I don’t always catch it to change it but I am getting better. Also, that fear of rejection for expressing yourself is not silly at all. I have it too. I think it’s ingrained into a lot of women from a time where we had less rights than we do now and our feelings didn’t matter. Brave you, for speaking. Brave.

  • elle

    Great news about your granddaughter, that must be a weight off your mind. I love your art, every time I see another Year of Mary it makes me wish I had time to join in, Have a great weekend and enjoy your glamping! Elle

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